So here’s the deal, we added two girls to our family and as you can imagine, it’s not easy. We are nine days in and here’s a little insight to our life.
It’s was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I thought I had grieved giving up what we had and could embrace something new with open arms. I was wrong. I cried so many tears last week. I cried for the girls who are having to learn a whole new life. They have had so much change over the course of their short lives and now they have to come to a new house and a new family and learn four new people! When I rocked baby girl to sleep and she cried because I’m a stranger putting her to bed in a strange room, I cried. And when big sister runs to another room and tries to hide because she thought she would be in trouble my heart felt so heavy and I cried.
I cried for the boys who are having to learn a whole new life. They had such an easy, predictable, secure life. Their routine was solid, if there were variations I could almost always tell them before hand and prepare them for the change. No amount of telling can prepare you for two new little sisters.
I cried for myself because so many kids were crying and I just felt so overwhelmed. Also, I think being on my period didn’t help. I cried because Gunnar is the best man and husband and father in the world and when he said, “what have we done?” I was like, “I don’t know, but if you are unsure then ah crap, what have we done?!?” Good news, it was only for like one night and then we recovered and remembered that God called us to this and will continue to be our hope.
When I had the time to process I realized the hardest part was how hard the boys were taking it. And it hurt my heart for a couple reasons: 1.Seeing them hurt and feel over looked and knowing I caused it sucked. 2. Knowing the girls have hurt and felt overlooked and rejected and didn’t have parents healthy enough to hold, hug and help them process was heart breaking.
So every time Avery asked to play legos and I told him, “hold on I have to help sister,” or Evan asked for something and I asked him to get it himself because my hands were literally and figuratively full I would start crying.
My emotional stability was non existent last week. But then somehow God interrupted my sad narrative. He reminded me that we easily worship the idol of comfort. And our life was so comfortable. It’s not wrong that it was, but when we refuse to do new things because we prefer our comfort then that is idolatry, and I don’t want it. So even though it hurt to see my boys struggling, I could help them see that what we are doing is actually good for all of us. The girls get a safe, loving, and maybe forever home (waiting on some court dates in the next 6 weeks to confirm that) and we get to do hard things that are going to help us love and live like Jesus. We are going to lay down our lives for the good of another. I’m reading in Genesis and see how even when Joseph’s life looked scary and out of control he still trusted God and God used him to save a family and propel a nation. What if fostering-adopting is going to be the best thing that could have ever happened for the boys? What if the hard they live through now prepares them to do hard things in the future, for the glory of God? What if seeing mom and dad try hard at living lives of praise in discomfort shows them a good pattern to follow?
Then maybe I don’t have to be so sad. Maybe this is going to be hard, but really worth it!
And really I don’t have to make every decision in fear. I can instead live in the confidence of who God is, what He’s said and not worry that everything I’m doing is going to jack up my children for the rest of their lives.
So here’s where we are now:
I think I have the calendar set enough that I can help kids know what to mostly expect the next day- who’s getting dropped off where by whom, who has therapy appointments, who has visits, who’s getting picked up by whom, on which days 🤪
We have meals set up a couple nights a week by church for a month and are so thankful!
I have a friend coming a couple times a week for the next month or two to help me with house stuff that I can’t yet get a handle on.
Here’s what we still need:
Prayer, just so much prayer. For all of us as we learn each other and adjust. Wisdom and discernment to know how to triage the needs in the moment and of the day.
All the dairy free chocolate, Enjoy Life brand or Lara bars chocolate truffle bites (ok I don’t need them, but I won’t say no either).
Continued grace in every way.
Occasional help picking up Evan from school or watching Avery at home so he can have some peace and quiet while the girls and I are at an appointment.
I love me some words of affirmation so feel free to send the text, or Marco Polo or whatever other means of communication you prefer to let me know you love me. I’ll take what I can get.
Thanks for caring and supporting us. Thanks for praying for us.
Thanks be to God who has continued to sustain us and strengthen us. Thanks be to God for giving us a vision and hope for our family and our future. Man, I need to keep coming back to that and I’m fairly certain I will for years to come.