We are two months into our new life and we are still alive to tell about it. Let us rejoice!
Though the days are long, and I mean LOOOOOONNNGGGGG, there is grace to sleep and get up and do it again in the morning. We are seeing some huge improvements, which would probably look like baby steps to the casual observer, but they are making life sweet.
The girls have adapted well. The boys are adjusting. We have found a new normal that has even allowed for a real, actual date night for Gunn and I. The kind where you shower and leave the house!
Can we just say THANK YOU to all of you for the support. Seriously, the prayers, the hugs, the meals, the rides and babysitting have made life possible. Thanks for sending messages and checking in and inviting even though we’ll probably have to say no. Thank you Lupe Lopez for weekly foldling our laundry and picking up our house and Cory Chapon for watching the kids, mostly late at night, so we can put the girls down to sleep and sneak out. Friends, thank you for just loving us well!
Here’s some of the updates and highlights:
Baby girl is leaning words and using them. Since the girls are bilingual we choose the language based on the shortest available word, ie “si” for yes, “up” for up, etc. And where there used to be a perpetual frown, there is now a mouth making a noise or forming a semblance of a smile and it is so beautiful! She loves “dada” most of all and is almost always up for a hug or snuggle before asking “dow” to get down and run about again. She is crying more often and fight us more, but we take that as a good sign. She is more comfortable to let us know when she is upset. She called me “mama” last night for the first time and it was awesome!!
Big sister is growing in self regulation by leaps and bounds. We are still working a lot on safe and healthy boundaries and helping her realize mommy and daddy are her authority, not herself or every adult she encounters. This is a tough one because she has had so many different caregivers. So don’t be alarmed or offended with us if she asks you a question and we cut you off before you can answer her to let her know she needs to ask mommy or daddy not the other adult. Help her understand that mommy and daddy are going to take care of her by redirecting her to ask us before giving her what she requested. We know it’s weird, we hate it too, but we know it’s helping her, so we’ll keep going. She continues to be sweet and super helpful. She likes to sing and pretend and “read” her books. She loves well and hard and we are thankful to receive her love. We have learned that rocking her before bed is a huge benefit to her behavior by helping fill her heart with love and some security.
Evan is doing well. His seasonal allergies are hard this spring, but he is rocking his food allergy program like a boss. He and baby sister have a sweet bond. He will read to her when she brings him a book and they look for each other first thing in the morning. With school almost over I can’t believe he’s almost done with first grade. I’m excited to get some more one on one time with him come summer because the two middles will continue preschool 3 1/2 days through mid July! He’s a fun boy and a great big brother.
Avery was having the hardest adjustment and though he and big sister still have a lot of big emotions, overall he has settled down. He and sister are constantly playing pretend, their favorite is wedding (thanks to Uncle Marcus and Auntie DeeDee’s wedding). They dress up and walk all around arm in arm. His smiles are big, his hugs strong, and his pouting is rivaled only by big sister’s. As he gets closer to turning five my heart feels very thankful for his life and the privilege of knowing him and raising him from birth.
That’s a hard thing about fostering/adopting. We are trying to learn our new kids, love and support them without getting to know who they were and how they got here. The other day I was feeling overwhelmed by some attitude and what felt like constant questioning to every decision I made. I just wanted a break! I was thankful when Gunn got home and i got to run errands ALONE! As I was driving by myself I realized that with Avery starting kinder soon I was no longer going to have that care free, un-hurried time we used to have. And I never had that time with sister. It was like a light bulb from God to help me realize that she needs more play time from me than any of the others right now. And that’s hard, because I hate playing. I like accomplishing things and being super productive. Make believe is my least favorite. But that is what she needs which means that’s what I need. So here’s to playing Anna and Elsa for the 324th time.
When I’m tempted to believe that my life is being hijacked by everyone else’s needs and attention I want to remember all over again that to live like Jesus means to lay down my life for the sake of another.
And so that’s where we are. Trying to triage the needs still and being aware of who needs what, most, and when. Bless you mamas with lots of kids, this is hard work. These people are relentless!! But praise God, so is our God. I am seeing over and over that strength comes from Him. That in every challenge He is still with me.
We are still learning our new normal, but with each day we are celebrating our baby steps and believing the best is yet to come.