Today is my birthday and I have celebrated hard. Donuts and iced coffee, swimming and FaceTiming, pizza and reflecting…just so many lovey gifts in one day.
We have been an official resource (foster) family for four months now. Since we are doing matched adoption through foster care we wait for our social worker to find a child in need of a forever family. When they see one that looks like a good fit they call us, if we agree they submit our profile and home study. The child’s social worker then looks at all the families submitted and matches the child with the best family for them.
We have gotten about 6 calls. We have said yes 3 times. One case got put on hold. One we never heard back so it’s safe to assume another family was chosen. One was last night, so we wait…some more.
Today a friend asked me a pearl of wisdom that I gained in my 35th year of life. I loved that it was easy to answer. I am learning the beauty of an open handed wait.
Each yes has been exciting and scary. I have her whole room and first visit planned before I hang up the phone. I imagine the transition and the sleepless nights. I pray that the boys will love her fiercely and fight for her and quickly embrace her as one of their own.
I know four months isn’t long in the scheme of things, but so far the wait has not been hard. And that feels like such a gift.
Somehow I have been able to remember that God knows more than I do on each of these girls and that has enabled me to relax. Though I think we would be a great family for these girls I am able to say, “You, God, know what they need most in their life to know You best,” and then to really believe it.
I can consider this wait as a win-win. We get a daughter, or we go on vacation. We get a daughter or we cherish another month as a happy family of four. We get a daughter or we get a few last weeks of summer full of predictability and plans.
This is incredible since I am typically a plan ahead for scenario A, B and C type of person. Right now I am making plans with the anticipation that we will cancel all of it if we get the call we are matched. But I’m stopping there. I am not making contingency plans and dreaming out every what if and alternate ending. And so the wait feels light and easy and surprisingly peaceful. And then I wondered, is this how all my life could be if I truly trusted God’s goodness and faithfulness in every part of my life? Could my life be this much less stressful if I considered that God has more information in every situation from my son’s attitude, current behaviors and fears than I do and that He will do what’s best in their lives to know God best.
I am fully aware that I have literally no control in the wait. If I was as aware of this truth in my day to day challenges would I believe that God is fully in control and act like it instead of just saying it but trying to manage every outcome of every what if?
This sincere believing God will do what’s best for these children and our family has allowed me to rest and not be frantic. It has helped me acknowledge the disappointment when we weren’t chosen and declare that God has been good and faithful to us and will continue to be.
It gives me the opportunity to pray for these kids by name, since in some cases that is literally all I know about them, and to pray God’s abundant blessings over them. Though they are not mine I am believing that in the waiting my job is to think about them, pray for them and believe God’s best for them. I have no control over their lives or their story, but I celebrate their life, I pray for their future and I praise God for the life He’s given each of us to live.
I don’t know how much longer our wait will be but I am thankful for this pearl. I pray that this lesson in patient endurance will continue to grow in my heart and soul. When my faith is small and the wait feels hard and heavy I hope you will remind me of this post. Or when the discouragement feels sad and lonely I ask that you sweet friends will remind me of these truths and help me celebrate the goodness of God and the gift of open handed waiting.