I wrote this last year, wishing I had a blog to post it. It’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. Hope you enjoy and are encouraged. Miracles happen and we are forever changed by them. My miracle celebrated his 5th birthday today and my tender mama heart loved celebrating all day long.
Evan’s birth story
The best part of telling a story is getting to remember details that you haven’t thought of in a while, and seeing God work in them – His grace and mercy in those moments . Our lives change in those details though we don’t usually realize it until we are looking back to recall, recount and reflect. In the recounting we share the facts, and in it the truth of the situation and of what God did. And we are reminded all over again of the good things God has done and why our lives changed because of that story. In the retelling my faith is renewed and I’m in awe of God’s amazing attention to detail all over again.
Friday, January 13, 2012
37 weeks & 2 days pregnant
My alarm went off at 7 am and I knew right away something wasn’t right. After a quick trip to the rest room I called for Gunnar and he ran in.
Blood. So much blood.
I called labor and delivery and told them. They said to come straight in and if I didn’t have someone to drive me to call 911.
“When did I last shower? I should probably shower before I go have a baby. But they mentioned 911 so maybe pass on that.”
As Gunn got our bag in the car and I found a phone charger to throw in my purse I heated a bagel then got in the car.
As we started driving I thought about an emergency c-section. “I shouldn’t eat.” I gave it to Gunn.
It was 7:27 or 37 when we left the house. Friday morning we had 18 miles to Kaiser Anaheim. And those 18 miles were on the 71 south and the 91 west. Instead of worry about the inevitable traffic we would encounter I decided to do my daily morning prayer journal and read my Bible.
As I was writing I was thankful that the 71-91 interchange was not congested and we actually made it onto the 91 in good time. But now there was some slowing. I asked God to help me not worry about the traffic. I asked him to keep me calm and help me trust that he loved this little boy and knew everything about him. He was God’s, he always had been and always will be. If we have him for a day or a month or a year or a life time, or just in utero, he is God’s and I am God’s. We’ll be ok.
My mom’s first pregnancy was a stillborn boy at 6 months. My parents left the hospital as first time parents with no baby. It was tragic. But they relied on Jesus and each other and their faith was stronger for it. I knew from the beginning that a pregnancy does not guarantee a baby. Miscarriage had been one of my biggest fears. Especially since I had spotted early on and they found two sacs but only one baby. We had no other complications, but it was always in the back of my mind.
Gunn and I had been reading in Ecclesiates, a chapter a day. That day was chapter 11.
Ecclesiastes 11:5 “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”
It was so comforting. It didn’t say “your baby is ok” or “everything is going to be alright,” but God spoke straight to my heart. “I see, I know, you don’t know what I know. You don’t know how this will end, but I do. I made you and I love you. I made this baby and I love him. No matter what happens you and Gunnar have me and I’m enough, you’ll be ok.” That was enough.
I breathed deep and thanked God and thought, “well at least I feel baby moving, that’s a good sign. Or was that a contraction?” I had no idea.
We made it to the hospital in 28 minutes. TWENTY-EIGHT MINUTES! ON THE 91 WEST on a FRIDAY!
We had already pre registered so we went straight into triage. They had difficulty finding the baby’s heart rate, but at my appointment the day before it was the lower right so as they made their way around – upper right, upper left, lower left lower right, I tried to keep calm and remember that I didn’t need to worry.
They finally found it and strapped on the monitors.
With in 5 minutes 3 other nurses rushed in and looked at the the screen, readjusted the monitors and started talking in hushed tones.
“Put her in room [blah, blah, blah] it’s right across from OR 1.”
They let me know that I was indeed staying that the doctor would probably get me on pitocin and get things going.
They wheeled me to the new room and started prepping me. I could feel the profuse bleeding. There were people moving in and out and two different doctors came in to check. They couldn’t secure an internal monitor. Childbirth is the grossest, most stressful thing I have experienced in my life and yet, somehow I was still calm and not afraid.
I made sure to let them know if at any point they thought there would be a c-section then please, by all means, let us have a c-section.
Weeks earlier I had actually asked my ObGyn if we could just schedule a c-sections to begin with. I am not a fan of pain and I’m even less a fan of the unknown and I was so scared of labor and delivery. I had had a couple surgeries and actually really enjoyed the amazing naps I got during them so I was just totally fine with the idea. My doctor was not and had informed me that even though she could see my reasoning they don’t do that and I would indeed need to at least try.
Within 5 minutes the baby’s heart rate had plummeted for the third time and I signed the line for an emergency c-section.
Gunn and I kissed and said I love you and off I went.
The rest of the day really should be written by Gunn. Besides the catheter they inserted while the anesthesiologist introduced her self, I don’t really remember much more.
People. There were a lot of people in the room and super bright lights and I was more exposed than ever and was hoping for the medicine to kick in quick so I could sleep, and…take…a…good n..a..p.
Chapstick. All I wanted was Chapstick. My lips were so dry and I just needed some Chapstick so I could go back to sleep.
Recovery. Gunnar was there. I think. My mom? Yeah, that’s still super fuzzy. They kept insisting I wake up. Mmm, nope. More sleep.
My room. Gunnar, mom, dad. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for more that three minutes at a time.
I remember they said Evan was in the NICU. Downstairs. I know Gunn showed me a picture. So many wires. A cpap on his face.
He had lost a lot of blood. He needed some help. A blood transfusion and a platelet transfusion.
I might have been sad about not seeing him but I could barely stay awake to listen to Gunnar. I would read a text and start a response but fall asleep 3 words in. Apparently Gunn just took my phone and started responding for me.
My baby was born (at 9:02 am, 5lbs 10oz, 19.5 in) and he was alive. God said He would be enough and take care of us. I just kept resting in that, figuratively and literally.